


Comfort Me When They’re Gone

by averyqueerlion



Series: To Love Again [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, h/c, space lesbians, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 04:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16926774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyqueerlion/pseuds/averyqueerlion
Summary: Taking place after It Takes You Away. The Doctor is reminded of her past relationships with Missy and River, and finally admits her love to Yaz





	Comfort Me When They’re Gone

The Singing Towers. How long had it been since she was here? Twenty four years ago with River? No. It must’ve been longer. She never went here. Never alone at least. It brought back too many heart wrenching memories, painful, but ones she held close to her heart. Why was she here? Why did she come here? Why did she want to come here? Her team was asleep in their rooms in the TARDIS but she couldn’t sleep. She never slept. And how could she? She had just stopped an entire universe from dragging her friends away by using fake projections of their lost loved ones. Love. Right. That’s why she was here. She still felt alone. Still felt this ongoing pain in her chest. She was the last of her kind. Everyone she loved was gone. Well, not everyone if she counts Yasmin Khan but... She always fell in love with earth girls, she couldn’t help herself. She always felt too much emotion and she couldn’t help herself. But isn’t that what Missy and River would’ve wanted? For her to be happy? The Doctor slouched against the balcony, looking up at the two towers and the light of the setting two suns shining in between them. The song always reminded her of River. It kind of reminded her of Missy, and how much she had changed in the end. Oh Missy... She really was on her side all along... she would always be cocky and sly no doubt. But she was gentler. The Doctor missed that. She missed seeing how Missy’s gaze would soften around her. She missed River too. She missed her tricks, her sly remarks, her stubbornness...

 

“Looks like you’ve got a lot on your mind there.” A familiar Scottish accent broke The Doctor out of her trance. She flipped her head over in the direction of the voice and she swore she felt her hearts stop. There was Missy, in a black Victorian blazer and dress with a white brooch in the center of her neck. Her hair was in a more smoother up do, less frizzy than before. The TimeLady smiled sadly at The Doctor, who had completely forgotten how to breathe. 

“K-Koschei... y-you’re-“

“Not alive, not dead.” Missy soothed, walking up to The Doctor who lunged herself forward into the TimeLady’s arms only to go right through her. The Doctor stepped back.

“T-Telepathic hologram..” she breathed.

Missy nodded.

“You can see me, but you can’t feel me.” She smiled sadly again. The Doctor swallowed a lump in her throat. She could feel tears burning in her eyes and she squeezed them shut for a moment.

“Why are you here.” She demanded.

“You were thinking about me.” Missy stated simply. “I was watching your whole journey today... Theta-“

“D-don’t call me that.” She tried to snap at her but her voice cracked instead.

“Why not.”

“Because it hurts!”

“It only hurts because you still run away from it. You have to face it.” Missy hushed, trying to form the correct sentence. “I know you miss me. And I miss you too. But I’m always with you. I’m right here,” her hand ghosted over The Doctor’s temple, “and here,” her other hand ghosted over The Doctor’s chest. She swore she felt a bit of warmth there. The Doctor felt her lip quiver.

“Koschei...” she stepped back, a tear falling down her cheek.

“I-I can’t do this. I can’t do this alone.”

“But you’re not alone,” another familiar voice made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, a deep, english accent with a hint of authority.

River. It was River Song. River also was dressed in black, a long sleeved black dress that formed a v around her neck only enough to show her collarbones. That’s where The Doctor lost it. She broke down, falling to her knees and burying her hands in her face. Her whole body trembled and shook as she sobbed. Too much. This was too much.

“River... River please. Don’t do this why are you doing this! Why are both of you doing this!” She begged. River knelt beside her. The Doctor tried to lean against her but again felt nothing. She cried in despair and frustration, her body begging her to feel some sort of closure, some sort of warmth but nothing was there. “This isn’t fair! You’re here but you aren’t! And I can’t touch you!” She sobbed.

“Doctor... do you remember what you told Erick back there in that alternate universe?” River asked. The Doctor stopped sobbing. She slowly looked up at River, wiping tears away from her eyes. “You told him to move on...” 

“But I can’t-“

“There are other people out there that need you.” Missy smiled.

“But I need you!” The Doctor wailed. “Guide me, stay with me, anything please!” She stood, practically begging in front of Missy. “I-I’m lost.” She looked over at River. “I’m so lost without you...”

”But there’s someone else who can help you.” River gave her a half smile. 

“Who?! Where are they how do I find them!?” The Doctor pleaded. 

“She’s in your TARDIS.” Missy’s icy blue eyes gleamed in what looked like interest but something else The Doctor couldn’t quite make out. 

“She? Wait.. Yaz?!” 

River chuckled softly. “Ask her, Doctor. She’d be more than willing to help you.” She put her hand out towards Missy who took it, glancing at River and then back at The Doctor. 

“But how? How do I ask her?” The Doctor begged. “Please enough hints I need an answer!” 

“She has the answer.” Missy acknowledged. “Now go ask her. You’ll be alright Theta.”

Before The Doctor could say another word, they were gone. The Doctor clenched her fists and yelled in annoyance. The hell did they mean? Move on? Easier said than done. But what did they mean about other people? What did they mean about Yaz? They both loved each other but... was it official? She didn’t know. Guilt boiled in her stomach. She really was horrible at picking out social cues...

The soft gentle singing of the twin towers brought The Doctor back into reality of where she was. She looked behind her, watching the twin suns light gleam through the two towers and smiled sadly, exhaling a long breath. She forced herself to drag her feet back towards her TARDIS, materializing as quickly as possible away from the Singing Towers and into orbit. She leaned against the console, dragging her hands down her face. She looked at her reflection in the scanner. Her eyes were a little puffy but it wasn’t too bad. The Doctor found herself zoning out, staring at her reflection.

Back with the spiders when Yaz’s Mum asked if they were seeing each other... Yaz seemed... hopeful? And a little sad when The Doctor said they weren’t. She’s always by her side, always helping The Doctor and asking very important questions. And she loved adventure. Loved the unknown. How her face lit up and how she smiled... and her eyes... The Doctor smiled to herself. Yaz was beautiful. She was clever, brilliant, open minded, brave, positive, daring, adventurous... her list could go on for ages. Yaz was Yaz. Yaz was perfect. Yaz was-

“Doctor?”

“Yaz!” The Doctor jumped at the sound of her friends voice. Yaz was wearing one of her t shirts and joggers and The Doctor tried not to grin. She looked good in them. Was that a hint? Was that a clue? Why was she wearing her clothing?

“Are you okay?” Yaz asked, making The Doctor jump back into reality. Her cheeks turned bright red and she looked away, clearing her throat.

“Yeah I-I’m fine what are you doing up?”

“I thought I heard The TARDIS’ engines. Must’ve been dreaming. Do you... sleep at all?”

“I haven’t slept in centuries.” The Doctor chuckled. “Insomnia is a lovely thing.”

“You sure it’s just insomnia?” Yaz asked. Her amber eyes shone with concern and- was that worry too? Did she care?

“I-I... no. It’s not.”

“Why don’t we sit down.” Yaz suggested. “We could talk in my room? Or yours, whichever you prefer. But change into some pajamas at least.” She smiled.

“But I don’t sleep.” The Doctor looked at her confused.

“Just do it. I’ll make us some tea.”

“Can you grab the biscuits?” The Doctor asked excitedly, making Yaz chuckle.

“Yes, I’ll grab the biscuits... go get changed, silly. Meet me back at my room.

 

———————————————————

 

“What kind of tea is this?” The Doctor asked, holding the warm mug in the palms of her hands.

“Lavender. It’s a relaxation herbal brew.” Yaz took a sip of hers. The two woman sat on Yaz’s purple bed sheets, a plate of biscuits in front of them. The crystal lights were dimmed creating a soft golden glow in the room. The Doctor had changed into a pair of joggers and a navy blue t shirt, very similar to Yaz’s pajamas.

“And you think the tea is going to help me sleep?” The Doctor raised a brow, taking a sip.

“Yes, and no. I was also hoping to ease whatever is bothering you by just talking about it. Only if you’d like.” She added quickly.

“Erick’s wife and Grace reminded me of some of my past... spouses...” The Doctor murmured, grabbing a biscuit.

“You were married?” A small smile crept up on Yaz’s face.

“Twice. Two wives.” The Doctor said through a mouthful of biscuit. Yaz’s smile grew.

“What happened to them?”

A wave of longing and grief washed over The Doctor’s face. She slowly swallowed her biscuit. “Both stories are very complicated and would take forever for me to explain but... they both died....”

“I’m sorry... Were they TimeLords?”

“Oh yes they were. Clever, sly, sarcastic pains in the arse,” she chuckled, “but Gods were they lovely...”

“Do you miss them?” Yaz asked softly

“All the time...” The Doctor murmured. “It hurts. A lot. I-I...” her voice slowly trailed off. Yaz gently reached for The Doctor’s hand and The Doctor looked up at her, blushing. She swallowed a lump in her throat and shook her head. “Everything’s just more apparent after that alternate universe.” She tried to hide the emotion in her voice but Yaz knew it was there. She let go of The Doctor’s hand and The Doctor looked up at her with panic in her gaze at the loss of contact but Yaz was simply moving the plate of biscuits onto her bedside table- where both of their empty cups of tea were- so she could move closer to The Doctor, holding her hands again. The Doctor’s gaze relaxed a bit at the contact, her hazel eyes staring back into Yaz’s amber ones.

“You feel alone... even when you have new friends. Don’t you.”

The Doctor tensed a bit, exhaling a shaky sigh. She looked away, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“I hate being alone-“

“But you’re not.” Yaz stopped her. “You have me.”

The Doctor looked up at Yaz again, a tear falling down her cheek. Yaz let go of one of The Doctor’s hands to wipe it away with her thumb. She cupped The Doctor’s cheek in her palm and The Doctor leaned into the touch, closing her eyes which caused another tear to slip.

“Why do you isolate yourself?” Yaz asked softly. “You hate being alone but... you don’t let us help you...”

“Because I’m broken Yaz.” The Doctor inhaled a shaky breath. “My version of broken is beyond repair. I’ve seen more than you humans can imagine, I’ve felt more than you could ever feel. And it hurts. It still hurts. It’ll always, hurt....”

“It will hurt, but it’ll hurt less if you don’t dwell on it. Please Doctor.” Yaz gently cupped both of The Doctor’s cheeks.

“Let me help you...” She leaned in, pressing her lips against The Doctor’s for a brief moment. The Doctor’s response was a shudder, wrapping her arms around Yaz. Her lips were back on Yaz’s in an instant who was surprised at The Doctor’s gesture. Yaz wrapped her arms around The Doctor, shifting herself so she leaned upright against the headboard of her bed, lips still on The Doctors. When The Doctor pulled back she rested her head underneath Yaz’s chin, curling up beside her.

“I-I want to start seeing each other.” She murmured. Yaz moved a bit so The Doctor would look up at her.

“I’m sorry you what?”

The Doctor tried to compose herself but it wasn’t working. “I love you Yaz.” Her voice cracked. “I know I said I didn’t want us seeing each other, back with the spiders but I... I didn’t know how to tell you that I love you.”

Yaz’s cupped The Doctor’s cheeks again, pulling in for another kiss. “I love you too.” She murmured, smiling against The Doctor’s lips. She pulled back, pressing a lingering kiss onto The Doctor’s forehead.

“I’m glad you told me.”

The Doctor nodded, moving closer to Yaz.

“This means we’re seeing each other right?”

Yaz laughed a bit. “Yes, you silly TimeLord we are.”

The Doctor relaxed against Yaz, smiling to herself. See? Wasn’t that hard now was it? She pressed a kiss against Yaz’s jaw who hummed softly at the gesture. Usually she’d feel guilty about loving another person besides River or Missy but this time, it felt right. It was right. And The Doctor couldn’t help but feel joyful about it. Yaz loved her. Yaz _kissed_ her. Yaz was holding her right now. But most importantly, Yaz was hers.


End file.
